The feeling of accomplishment over finishing and delivering/mailing all the gifts on my Christmas list was deflated like a bike tire that's run over one hundred too many goat heads. I'm speaking of last year…and the feeling that is somehow lingering as I literally force myself to create a Christmas list this year and think of gifts that won't offend people. It's December 2nd. I haven't bought a single gift yet, and I don't know if I will.
My mom tells a story (that I don't remember at all) of me going to a neighbor's birthday party at the age of 4. I apparently and childishly thought that drawing a picture would be a nice gift for this now faceless and nameless neighbor child. Mom says that she watched silently as my picture was crumpled and disregarded in the heap of wrapping paper.
I can't remember why this story was told…but hearing this with my adult ears, my wheels have been spinning about the giving of gifts. The thought and effort by the giver, the expectation…and the reaction or lack thereof by the receiver…and their expectation as well. I don't have any solid answers because it seems to have so much to do with relationships and your/my internal peace. My thoughts are ever changing as I consider the feelings, social obligations, etc involved.
What I do know is that hearing about a gift being unacceptable or offensive because it didn't meet the reciever's expectations is hurtful to the heart of the giver. I wish people wouldn't share that kind of information.
This year has been both the BEST and the WORST of times. This year has forced me to make decisions that were uncomfortable and stressful. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I'm sure it's there. My goal is to be grateful for each individual day, hoping that looking back on the accumulation of the days will be a life well lived.
This year has also brought new best friends that I wish I had known before and many, many joy-filled sunny days.
I'm ready for my own personal internal revolution. Steven Covey said something about making a choice and setting your highest priorities, then following your heart with no apologies. God help me be brave enough to do this.
Love and Light to all of you
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