It's usually around this time of the month.....

...and by this time of the month, I do mean the PMS time of month...that I think alot about life and how I'm doing in my tiny space in the world.  I have nothing at all to complain about.  I feel my footing securely on a positive and happy pathway.  Yet I find myself longing for more....of something. Maybe I've been walking this even path for too long and I need to start climbing the mountain.  Maybe a little more adventure.  Maybe a little more taking myself outside of my area of comfort.  

I have been reading and re-reading books by many religious leaders this year....all different religions.  The one common theme among them all being LOVE.  I recently decided to start reading the teachings of Jesus from the Bible again. Among all the teachings of Jesus, it seems they also point to LOVE being central to living a peaceful and happy life.  

It seems like I get the best insight when I'm running some long miles.  As I was running this morning, I listened to one of my favorite songs.  It comes from the cartoon "Prince of Egypt".  The song is "Heaven's Eye's".  It's the one Moses father-in-law sings to him at the camp fire.  :)  I don't know what causes goose bumps or that tingling sensation inside you that stirs your inner fire....but that's what I felt as I listened to the song this morning.  It's worth posting the words.

A single thread in the tapestry, though it's color brightly shines,

Can never see its purpose in the pattern of the grand design.

And the stone that sits on the very top of the mountain's mighty face,

Does it think its more important than the stones that form the base?

So how can you tell what your life is worth or where your value lies?

You can never see through the eyes of man.

You must look at your life through Heaven's eyes.

A lake of gold in the desert sand is less than a cool fresh spring;

And to one lost sheep, a shepherd boy is greater than the richest king.

If a man lose everything he owns, has he truely lost his worth?

Or is it the beginning of a new and brighter birth?

So how do you measure the worth of a man?

In wealth or strength or size?

In how much he gained or how much he gave?

The answer will come to him who tries to look at his life through Heaven's eyes

I felt this morning like it's time for me to stop being afraid to show love.  I guess time to stop being afraid period.  Who, of us all, likes to admit they are afraid?  Well, I sure don't!  But I believe that admitting my fear proves to me how silly it is, and is the first step in the process of healing that fear.  

Step one....I am afraid of being yelled at by a person who yelled at me a year ago.  My fear is preventing me from showing love to this person.  If I can just look at it with Heaven's Eyes I could realize that, although this person hurt my feelings, they probably didn't intend to and they probably wish they could say they were sorry.  Even if that's not how this person feels and even if it was intended to hurt me, and even if I never hear a sorry.....my peace will come from forgiveness and renewed love.  Like Jesus said, 'If you only love those who love you, what reward does that get you? Doesn't everyone do that?' :)  Am I a coward for starting by saying 'I forgive you' to this person while safe and secure and alone in my house?  Am I a chicken for not walking out the door when I see this person and giving them a hug?  Maybe a little bit.  But all mountain climbs start with the first step...and this is my first step.  I am willing to climb this mountain, although I seems an impossible task to look up at it now.  

Thank God for seeing what I need to learn, and giving me all the things I need to learn my own unique lessons.  :)  I am specifically thankful at this moment for the job I have.  It's been a gift in many ways and I've learned a score of lessons, one being: you just can't choose the people who need your help.  I have gone to help people who didn't want my help.  I have been called to people who have told me they hate me.  I have been spit at, yelled at, vomited and pooped on, bled upon and called a lot of choice names.  :)  I have had to walk into the homes of people who, if they had the choice, would rather shoot me than talk to me....all in the name of doing my job.  :)  Thank goodness not every call is like that and thank goodness I love my job.  If I can climb those mountains, I can surely climb this one....one step at a time.  

Namaste and love from one who is still learning.  :)