I've been reading and re-reading a book called "The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism" during the past few months. It's one I had heard about and asked my Dad about; and he had it in his library. :) Since I've marked it up alot.....I'll be getting you a new one, Dad. :)
It's by John L. Lund, and I'm recommending it to everyone. :)
A couple of things from the book struck me today......and I'd love to hear what you all think about them. So, feel free to comment or email me. :) He says, "A goal is something over which you have control. It depends solely upon you. A wish is an expectation that depends upon others for its fulfillment." I've been thinking lately that expectations are not good or healthy for us as people. The reason I have started to think that way is because we are people with limitations and weaknesses. We all make choices- and I think expectations just cause someone to be disappointed and someone else to feel guilty for not living up to the expectation of the other- that's not true for every case, but seems to be true in many cases. I've been trying to think about what causes us to have expectations in others....in romantic relationships, in parent/child relationships, in brother/sister relationships, or in friendships and others like work relationships. Maybe if we stopped having expectations, we would stop being so disappointed in the supposed failings of other people. Maybe we would also become less judgmental. Are expectations really just imposing our belief system upon someone else? Are we assuming that our way is the right way or the only way? We're all individuals, right?
In the book, he also talks about learning to become your own best self by defining your own standard of excellence- because you can't please everyone. :) I believe you can at least be happy within yourself, and if you can accomplish that peace within, you can be happy with other people and the world around you. He says, "Do not let other people set the parameters of what a good mother is, what a good wife is, what a good person is. Let go of the expectation of measuring up to their definition, their wants, their needs, their expectations.....Let others accept responsibility for their own happiness." I think we cannot MAKE anyone happy or sad- you choose those things for yourself. You also choose to act or react. I think that is a gift. :)
So....those are my musings of the day. I realize that I am not all knowing, nor am I always right. I would really love to hear how you all view this issue. :)
2 comments:
Lisha-I really like that and actually something I've just started to think about the last couple of days. "What if my expectations of others is incorrect?" What if I could let go of that and just love people the way they are? I think that is why God tells us to not judge and love others, mostly because in all honesty, that is when we will receive the most inner freedom, and not to condemn us, you know? Thank you for sharing, Lisha.
So true... so true. There is an excellent talk on cd called "The Fourth Watch" by S. Michael Wilcox that I listen to over and over. I love the whole cd but especially where he talks about the "given good vs. the expected good". The talk is about how we view answers to our prayers but you can apply it to our expectations of those around us also. He explains that its like someone giving us homemade pb cookies but rather than be grateful and enjoy them and know they were made with love, we are wishing more they had been sugar cookies... and in doing so we turn the "given good" into a stone because it was not the "expected good". The cd is so amazing. I think it also comes in book form if you would rather read than listen. I struggle with accepting the given good too... it must be a family trait. Ugh.
Post a Comment