The Beauty of a Sunset

I saw this sunset out the window when I was at work a couple days ago. :) It didn't quite get captured in the picture, but it was an amazing sight to see the clouds illuminated by the setting sun.

I want to say thank you to those of you who take the time to read what I write about- my family and friends. :) None of us could make it without each other, I have come to believe.

And so, on that note....I'm not coming out and advertising the fact that I am now a single mom, but I wanted to talk about it for a second to those who care about us. Us means ME, EMMA and DJ. It's now coming toward the end of November. DJ and I separated the first of September. It has been probably the single hardest periods of my life so far. :) It has also been one of the single best learning experiences of my life so far. :)

DJ and I have gone through and agreed to terms that made sense to both of us, signed divorce papers, and it is now final. I am very thankful that we could work through it all together without fighting and going to court. I am grateful for the good person that DJ is and his love for Emma. Although Emma does not like the word "divorce" to be said out loud, I know that she has never doubted for a second that I or DJ love her and want what's best for her. We brought her here and we are both committed to her happiness. :) We will be sharing custody and splitting holidays. I knew that would be a hard thing...but didn't realize how emotional I was going to be about it until we started making plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. :) Emma and I are staying at the house and DJ will be moving back closer as soon as he can. Boo and DJ's family are both helping take care of Emma when DJ and I both work, which I am extremely grateful for. :)

One of my work partners asked me what happened in my marriage...he said, "so it doesn't happen to me!" :) Here is what I think happened. I think that DJ and I grew up learning two very different ways of communicating, and we never quite learned how to mesh those two together. I think that we are both stubborn enough that we each didn't want to change who we were/are for the other person. I think over the period of 8 years, we both changed...but not together, and grew apart. I think we are both good people who care about each other, but can't live together happily.

What happened?? I've thought a TON about that in these last couple months. After some good talks with a good understanding counselor, I can pinpoint a specific incidence that was a turning point for me. It was the early summer of 2007. It was the time I call "the fight with my boss". For several months after that incident, I struggled with my emotions and beliefs and even wanted to die. Work paid for me to see a counselor during that...and, God bless her, she helped me to see that I am in charge of me....my thoughts, my choices. It's funny, but I guess I had never thought that thought before. It was like a big window opened up in my mind and the light and fresh air spilled in! :) I decided at that point that I would do everything I could to remove all negativity from my life....a long process, not finished by a long shot....but, that was the beginning of it.

So....the reason I picked the sunset to go with this posting...the sun is setting on my marriage. Sometimes after the long day, the sunset means we can rest from the day's labors. There is also beauty...we pause to appreciate it when we can. The sun setting doesn't mean the end of all things. My relationship with DJ and, hopefully, friendship with him will continue for the rest of our lives. Just because we can't live together doesn't mean I don't still care about him and even love him.

Namaste friends :)